GingerQueer's Ten rules to a successful party:

1.  Clean your house
Please be a doll and clean your house.  Nobody wants to walk into a bedroom filled with clothes or a picture of you and your last fuck buddy covered in dust
2.  Dress Well
Some of you straighties may not know this, but looks matter (and so does size). 
3.  Stock Up
When it comes to alcohol, know your guests.  If they are trashy and tragic, do not get red wine, it will 
spill.  If there are a lot of gay men there, get a bottle of vodka per couple.  If there are lesbians, stock 
up on either Bud Heavy or a vegan friendly alcoholic beverage.
4.  Decorate
Contrary to popular belief, not all gays can decorate.  If you are looking for a themed party, think outside the box.  
My sister's X-mas decorations.  They are the lyrics of "All I want for Christmas is You."  Can't get much gayer than that.


5.  Food 
Have an array of finger foods.  Baked Brie is a favorite of mine and it is incredibly easy.  All you do is buy pastry dough and wrap brie in it and bake it.  People think you are a great chef, especially if you cut out little designs with the leftover dough.  And of course, everyone knows someone vegetarian, so don't forget them.  
Don't be alarmed if some of you think that it tastes like...you know what I'm talking about, don't think you haven't thought it.

6.  Invite every token you possibly can 
You've got to have a spectrum of guests at your party, or what else are you gonna talk about, YOUR SELF?  That would be preposterous.  For example, if you know any drag queens, invite them!  Just go down your list of stereotypes and make sure you have everyone covered. 
7.  Be Ready
Make sure that everything is in place before the guests arrive.  Music should be on, Air Conditioning should be set to a good temp (it can be brought down as soon as everyone gets there.  You don't want your guests freezing when they walk in).  Food should be out, and your nose should be powdered.  
8.  Life of the Party
Girl, if you aren't the life of the party, then who is gonna be.  You do not want someone steeling your thunder.  
I think I have that pink dress.  No seriously, I think I do.

9.  Don't Be Pushy
Don't throw your guests out of your house when you are ready for it to end.  Hopefully, you have friends that know when to leave a party.  If you have that one straggler that is the last to leave and you are tired of talking about their cats, then you have every right to yell at them.  Here are some key phrases you could use for them:
  • I'm tired...bitch
  • When was the last time you checked on your cats.
  • I read an article that said cats that are alone for more than 4 hours at night learn to hate their owners and show no love to them, so who is going to love you now?
  • Get the fuck out of my house! 
10.  Drink the leftovers
If you have lightweights that can't finish their drinks, just finish them after they leave.  Nothing a healthy dose of Abreva can't solve.  


Over and Out,
GingerQueer